That vexing, sweet puzzlement
of the life with God
That vexing, sweet puzzlement
of the life with God
If God gives you nothing,
then nothing is your bread
Christ lifts the fiery ball
and takes it to his Father.
Tears wet the blood-red flames.
“They’ve love, there is no other.”
But no,
it ain’t gonna happen!
In the night,
the field,
and the matrix of being
The hum of engines, whoosh of escalators,
beeps of card readers, footsteps,
words (“Ik was een
motiveringsbrief aan het schrijven”),
and the wheels of the cart
of the man who’s going to clean
The sun lies
sluggishly in doubt
The clouds go one way, the birds another
I thought, I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to write. I don’t have to read. I don’t have to feel guilty if I’m not being productive.
So I sat in the corner of the couch and looked out the plate-glass window. The trees were black. The sky was gray, the clouds a slightly darker gray. Birds flew in and out of the trees. Steam rose from the neighbors’ pipe. After a while, the clouds turned white and the sky turned blue. It got brighter. I kept waiting for the sun to appear above the rooftops. I was done sitting. I was done waiting. I was ready to move. Stopping would be copping out. But staying to “finish the job” would be no better. Up on the third floor, I thought, I could definitely see the sun. But was that the idea?
There is no canned wisdom.
Love your enemy